


It's Not Football

by hpdm4ever, MessiFangirl (hpdm4ever)



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, FC Barcelona, Friendship, Gray-Asexuality, M/M, Suaressi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 08:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24966664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpdm4ever/pseuds/hpdm4ever, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpdm4ever/pseuds/MessiFangirl
Summary: Luis frowns a touch, flicking his eyes to Leo's before looking back at the road. "Is this about football, or something else, Leo?" he asks perceptibly. He slides his hand over the wheel in consideration. "Because I think there's normal and then I think there's what you do out there, and I while I'll agree it's not what anyone would call normal, I don't think there's anything wrong with that."Leo digs his nails in harder, taking a deep breath while staring through the windshield. His stomach starts to twist again."Okay," Luis says then. "It's not football."
Relationships: Lionel Messi/Luis Suárez
Comments: 15
Kudos: 51





	It's Not Football

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pique](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pique/gifts), [Jackdaws](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackdaws/gifts).



> For my fellow suaressi friends :) I hope you like it even though it's different than my usual stuff. 
> 
> Truthfully I've been wanting to write Leo like this for quite some time, and I figured Luis would be the perfect one to pair him with.

Luis settles into Leo's life in a way that Leo didn't think was possible. He fills the empty cracks with warmth and laughter and such earnest smiles that Leo often finds himself staring at Luis in wonder, trying to figure out how this friendship has become so strong. He hasn't felt this type of connection with anyone since Kun, and for it to happen now when he's in his thirties and pretty set in his ways is the strangest thing.

It's no secret that Leo's always on his guard in general, especially with the new signings, and it takes ages until he feels comfortable enough to have a conversation about something other than football. He's been burned too many times before. So sometimes he never feels comfortable with them. 

Or, at least, comfortable enough to share more of himself. 

Everyone knows that, and he half suspects that someone takes new players aside (maybe Busi if he goes by the side eyes) and explains this all to them so they know not to crowd Leo or come on too strong at first. 

Sometimes his new teammates take that advice, and sometimes they don't. 

Ney pushed. He pushed with unexpected visits and constant pictures and bringing over his entourage into Leo's private spaces when Leo had wanted to spend time one on one. He was loud and colorful and entirely too different for Leo to understand. Leo forgives him now because Ney was young and eager and always had good intentions. But it was hard for them to become friends for a long time. And even these days, although they have a good relationship Leo still has to watch what he says and how he acts around Ney, a little afraid it'll end up on Instagram.

But with Luis...

Leo doesn't think he could ever explain it. He doesn't know how it happens, how Luis slowly and painstakingly gets Leo to open up over those first few months. Maybe they reach some unspoken level the day Leo accidentally blurts out something uncomplimentary about the fans in Argentina after reading an incredibly depressing article, and Luis just nods in commiseration and doesn't tell anyone. 

Maybe it's when Leo watches Madrid's success and his jealousy starts spreading all across his face before he can hide it. When he realizes Luis has seen him, he nearly panics. But Luis merely nudges him in the side and says he feels the same way sometimes. Leo lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Leo should feel exposed and on display, the way he unintentionally shows Luis all of his fears and insecurities... But instead, he feels more complete after, Luis smiling sunnily at him and Leo can feel his anxiety evaporate with every second they spend together.

Leo tries to fumble through an explanation to Kun over the phone one night, but even though Kun is listening patiently, Leo can't find the words. "It's like with you," he says, frustrated. "It's like you, but different."

Kun finally says, "I should hope so. He bit somebody at the World Cup." And then falls asleep while on the phone which is fairly typical and Leo gives up.

The mate sessions help--of course, they help--but it's not just that, because even when they're sitting there and drinking together it's somehow not awkward. Leo's the first to admit that he is the worst at small talk, but with Luis, it seems natural.

Sometimes Masche joins them, and sometimes not, but it doesn't overly matter and they don't need a buffer. 

Leo should need one--he's always needed one before--but not now. 

Not with Luis.

Luis always pours the hot water from his personal thermos, gourd cradled carefully in his large hand as the steam wafts up, softly talking about whatever he feels like. Sometimes it's about just little things like his upcoming haircut, his restaurant's new menu, or his latest endorsement. Then sometimes it'll turn to more important things like Camp Nou. Or home. And when he passes the gourd to Leo, he grins easily, eyes focused on Leo's, making Leo feel like he's the only one in the locker room.

They're not alone. They're surrounded by all their teammates, the usual chatter of twenty different conversations going on in several different languages while Dani and Rafinha change the music every few minutes. Lockers bang open and shut, bags rustle as they are thrown across the room, cleats clatter against the floor. It's normal for it to be noisy and chaotic, for Geri's voice to boom out frequently and start nonsense just because he's bored.

Luis never seems ruffled with any of that. 

Leo thinks it's because Luis can't deal with any of it until finishing his mate. Not that Leo has any room to be talking, because he's the same way and beware to anyone who tries to drag him away until he's had his fill. Luis just sits and smiles while Leo peers up at him through his lashes, bombilla tucked between his teeth and tongue. 

They just sit there and drink until they've had enough, mate chasing away any lingering chill, and only then will they rejoin the world around them.

It's comfortable.

Truthfully, he likes Luis for a number of reasons, and not just because Luis continues to supply him with mate day after day. 

Some of them are football things, like the way Luis will run his ass off on the pitch, or the way he'll miss the easiest shots but then do something incredibly athletic and ridiculous that it'll make all the highlight videos for the week. Leo likes the way Luis will defend him on the field, getting up in the ref's face about poor tackles and uncalled fouls... and he also likes the way Luis will pull him away from confrontation, instantly getting between Leo and whatever player he's trying to start a fight with.

But there are other things off the field too. 

He likes the way Luis is adamant about his therapy, even to the point of telling Geri off for one too many pointed remarks. And he likes how Luis is quietly trying to learn Portuguese so that when the Brazukas fall into it without thinking, he can join in without a fuss. And Leo likes that whenever Luis is about to take the last pastry in the cafeteria and sees Andrés eyeing it, he pulls his hand back instead and pretends to be full.

Too many things.

The waves of affection for Luis start to become overwhelming one day as they walk through the hallways. Leo's known that they've been building and building, crashing against whatever walls he's still got put up, starting to become too difficult to ignore--but he's not sure he wants to anyway. 

And then... 

It's after Luis opens a door for him and gestures for him to go first--when Luis' hand rests against his lower back with the lightest of touches before disappearing. 

Luis says something that Leo doesn't hear, too focused on the warmth that's spreading through his body.

Because it's not like Luis has never touched him before, but there's something about this kind of touch that makes Leo feel as though the pressure lingers long after Luis' hand has dropped. And all of a sudden, Leo realizes that he wants it there. 

He wants Luis' hand on his back again.

It's the first time he's felt something actually physical for Luis, and it means a whole hell of a lot.

*****

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Geri asks Leo later when Leo's sitting on his block in the locker room. Luis has gone off to shower and Leo should follow since they're carpooling as usual, but instead, Leo's sitting there with his head in his hands. "Leo."

"Mmm?" Leo says, only half listening. He's thinking about Luis' hand again, like an idiot, wondering why the hell that was the trigger that's changed everything. He becomes aware Geri is still looming over him so he scratches his nails through his hair and then raises his head. "What?" 

Geri's standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. He's clearly been out for some time but his hair is damp, finger styled only and threatening to dry in some sort of weird twist. None of that seems to concern him and instead, he looks at Leo knowingly, blue eyes seeing entirely too much. "You know who I mean. Luis," he clarifies. "Do you want me to tell him about--." Here he pauses like he's trying to choose his words carefully. "About how you are?"

Leo laughs, but even he can hear the misery in it. "And how am I?" he asks, even though he's not sure he wants an answer. 

Geri's been his friend for way too long because he just tilts his head. "I don't know all the terminology these days, but it doesn't matter. You're you," he says simply. Kindly.

Leo flinches. 

"And there's nothing wrong with that," Geri says. He's being quiet for once, keeping their conversation as private as it can be in the middle of the locker room, which tells Leo he's serious. "But if you wanted me to talk to him for you, explain some things, I would." He shrugs. "I will."

"I can do it. I'm just... I'm putting it off because... I don't know if he--," Leo starts, rubbing his forehead in frustration and trailing off. "He might not even want any sort of relationship," he finishes feebly. "I don't want to fuck up our friendship. It's... It's really important to me, Geri. I can't mess it up. I *can't*."

"Hey," Geri says, taking another step closer and towering over Leo. He reaches out and tugs Leo's ear gently like it's going to stop any impending panic attack. "He looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass. So trust me when I say that there's literally nothing you could say that would send him running in the other direction, alright?"

Leo sighs, closing his eyes and resting his head against Geri's belly, accepting the hug that's offered. It should be weird, with Geri only half-dressed but it's never been like that between them and so it's not. "He might not understand," Leo mutters. "Not everybody does."

Geri snorts above him. "What, like Ney? Ney's a dumb kid. And you know what, even though Ney doesn't exactly understand, he still accepts it. Accepts you. Like me. Like Cesc. Like Andrés. And Pep and Xavi and Victor. Like anyone who cares about you. So why do you think Luis will be any different?" Geri tugs Leo's ear again. "You're braver than this, pulga. And if you want to be happy, be yourself, just talk to him. Alright?"

Leo thinks this over even after Geri goes to get dressed.

When Luis comes back dripping from the shower and sees Leo sitting there, he laughs. "Come on, slowpoke," he teases, snapping his fingers and flicking a drop of water toward Leo's face. "I want to get out of here while it's still daylight." But his voice is playful and there's no censure in his tone. "That taco place closes soon and you promised it was my turn to choose dinner." 

Leo goes to shower finally, Luis on his mind the entire time.

*****

Leo lets his head rest against the window during the drive. Sometimes there's a bump and he's punished for it, but the coolness of the glass is too soothing to resist. He still feels overheated from his shower, maybe, despite the air conditioning on full blast. 

Luis keeps playing with the radio, changing the song every minute or so, looking for something in particular apparently. Maluma, maybe, since that's his favorite right now. He hums under his breath to whatever he's listening to, mumbling lyrics that are right only half of the time and incredibly wrong the other. Sometimes English, sometimes Spanish.

But he doesn't press Leo for conversation either, content with Leo's silent companionship, so Leo doesn't complain.

He just adds it to the list of reasons why he likes Luis.

The waves are starting to spill over the top.

As if sensing he's the topic of Leo's thoughts, Luis turns to look at Leo and smiles. Leo can see it in the reflection of the glass and it makes his stomach untwist the tiniest bit. That sort of genuine fondness is what spurs Leo to seize the moment. 

"I don't think I'm like most people," Leo says to start, not sure if Luis can hear him.

But the volume lowers on the music, which answers that question.

"I know," Luis simply says in reply, though there's no judgment at what could be taken as a cocky statement. He clicks the turn signal on to go around a car and changes lanes, clicking it off when they're cruising again. He's quiet for a moment, perhaps waiting for Leo to continue. And when Leo doesn't say anything else, Luis says, "Do you want to be?"

Leo's cried way too many tears over the years wishing he were, but he tries to laugh instead. It comes out weakly, stuck in his throat. "Yes," he says, lifting his face from the glass and turning to look at his friend. "I'm supposed to be normal. People expect it... they expect things from me. And they--," he stops, hand clenching into fists where they're in his lap, nails digging into his palms. "I disappoint them when I'm not."

There are flashes of faces before his eyes: his father, former friends and teammates, coaches who'd looked at him differently when they found out about him. People who don't really talk to him anymore because they don't know how to. 

God forbid it ever got leaked to the press.

Luis frowns a touch, flicking his eyes to Leo's before looking back at the road. "Is this about football, or something else, Leo?" he asks perceptibly. He slides his hand over the wheel in consideration. "Because I think there's normal and then I think there's what you do out there, and I while I'll agree it's not what anyone would call normal, I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

Leo digs his nails in harder, taking a deep breath while staring through the windshield. His stomach starts to twist again.

"Okay," Luis says then. "It's not football."

"It's not football," Leo echoes.

"Okay," Luis says again, and now all they're doing is repeating what each other is saying.

This is a disaster.

Leo wants to bump his head against the window again until he can knock himself unconscious. It would be easier than having to go through this conversation again. No matter how many times Leo tries to explain it to someone, it never goes the same way, and Leo is just so tired of trying to put it into words.

"Well, first off, I like you," Leo says, rushing the words until they're all crushed together and maybe a little incoherent. "I really like you," he says, still unable to slow down. "Like *like* you. More than a friend. You put your hand on my back today in the hallway, and now all I can think about is how I liked it when you touched me like that. But I don't know if you feel the same." He only manages to stop talking when he runs out of air, and he nervously sucks in oxygen while looking Luis' way for a reaction.

One revelation at a time.

Luis has gone from frowning to smiling, and it's his brilliant toothy smile that Leo's so used to seeing. "You're lucky I'm driving, Leo," he says, laughing merrily, fingers tapping on the steering wheel with delight. "Because otherwise, I think I'd probably be kissing you. I absolutely feel the same and as soon as I'm sure it's not going to cause an accident, I'm going to show you how much."

Leo's heart starts racing, even faster than it already was, and he finds that he's shaking his head without meaning to. He wants to grin because Luis likes him back, but first-- "No," he gets out, starting Luis with its ferocity. "I don't want that. Don't do that."

Luis' smile disappears and the frown comes back. "No?" he asks, backtracking, not understanding. "What do you mean? What's wrong?" He keeps trying to look over at Leo and still pay attention to the road, quick head turns back and forth that probably hurts his neck. "Leo, talk to me."

Fair enough, Leo barely understands himself. And he's done a fair amount of googling to do so.

"It's not--I don't--," Leo manages to unclench his hands and flattens them on his lap. He takes a deep breath. "I really like you, but this is what I meant by not normal," he says instead. "I'm not normal. Because I'm not sure I want *that* right now. Maybe never. I don't know."

Luis stops at a red light and turns to face Leo directly. His eyebrows scrunch up and he looks puzzled, but he just nods slowly as he processes that. "Okay," he says, sounding confused. "So you want me to touch you," he repeats, watching Leo's face for any sign of disagreement. "You liked me touching you... Your back, at least," he corrects softly. "You enjoyed that. It was... good for you?"

Leo nods.

Luis licks his lips. "And you *like* like me." He looks as though he's trying to get it right. There's confusion swirling around in his eyes and he looks like a puppy that's been told to sit and stay. "But you don't want me to... to kiss you?"

Leo takes another nervous deep breath. "Yeah," he says shakily. "I don't... I don't usually like that sort of thing," he tries to explain. The memories of hours spent in front of a computer, just trying to figure out what he was all start flooding back. "I don't really like it. Kissing. Maybe sometimes. On rare occasions, but... not a lot. Not right now." He knows it doesn't make sense, but at the same time that's how he feels, how he's always felt, and if Luis doesn't understand--

"Ohhhh, okay," Luis says, interrupting Leo's quiet panicking. "I get it." 

"Okay?" Leo asks, now incredibly unsettled. "You... You understand? You're not mad?"

Traffic starts to move again, but Luis looks incredulous and he starts doing that quick head turning again. "Mad? Leo, why would I be mad? You're telling me how you feel, what you like... there's no reason I should be mad at you. I'm--," he scratches a hand through his hair and shakes his head, "I dunno. Glad you told me, you know? I'm glad because I would never want to do something you didn't like."

Leo stares at him, trying to decide how it could possibly be this easy.

It's never been this easy.

"I'd like to learn more about what you like. Maybe we can talk about it some more during dinner, but for now..." He hesitates. "Can I hold your hand?" Luis asks then, quietly, staring at the road in front of them. He has both hands on the wheel, almost like he doesn't want to offend Leo by even offering it without permission. "Just for now, here in the car. Would that be okay?"

Leo opens his mouth to say something. He doesn't know what. Then he closes it. He thinks about what Geri said about being brave.

Leo extends his hand slowly in response, knowing it's shaking and probably sweaty but also wanting Luis more than ever. He's all of a sudden aware of its flaws, and he wishes he could hide the indents from his nails on the fleshy part of his hand. But then Luis' hand is there to meet his, warm skin and rough fingertips sliding across his palm. They're pressed together for a moment, both of them breathing harder as if this is the first time they've ever touched. 

It's silly considering how many times they've slapped hands in training or on the field, but Leo's so struck by how this changes things. This the same hand that was on the small of his back, the hand that guided him through the doorway while Luis smiled at him. And now Leo's hand is against it and it's everything he's ever wanted. 

Especially when Luis interlocks their fingers.


End file.
